I know a whole year has passed without me producing or sending you a newsletter. I fully intended to get back to a regular offering earlier this year … then my life and world changed in ways that I did not expect. As a messy human I was rattled and found it hard to be with myself and my feelings and thoughts. WTF??

And yet, I managed to find ways to navigate all the messiness and find the wonder amidst the chaos and fear and pain.

So here I am, ready to share what has been a powerful year of personal health challenges, professional amazement and loving support from so many people.

In March I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. I was shocked and scared. I did not see it coming and started to wonder what it meant for me and what I could do to get rid of it. My doctor reassured me it was found very early (thanks to regular mammograms), was very small, easily removed and most likely contained. My surgeon was also confident and recommended I have surgery asap, then the protocol was most likely Chemotherapy, Radiotherapy and Hormone Therapy.

My body’s response was: Yes to surgery, No to chemo, maybe radio and hormone.

I had the surgery in late April and when I went to the oncologist in May, he said that chemo was not warranted in my case. When I told him I got a clear “no” from my body when it was first mentioned, he said “You can trust your body, and you know that, don’t you?” I was happy to get this reassurance and yes, I did know.

I had radio therapy in July which was challenging and uncomfortable and so far, successful. I started hormone therapy and for 5 weeks; it was awful. When I asked about the statistical benefits, it was minimal and my body said, “stop”, so I did.

My recovery has taken much longer that I expected. I had relentless fatigue from the radiotherapy and some discomfort from the surgery scars healing. I have kept working which has been wonderful for my mental/emotional health and I am profoundly grateful that I can work from home, in my PJ’s if need be. Thank you much, beautiful Maxine for always being there and supporting me every day. And thank you Rae for your patience and holding space for me to create the next newsletter when I am ready.

At the same time, I have been having regular sessions with my coach, Jenny McFadden. an Intuition mentor and Quantum Healing Facilitator and have uncovered some pervasive family patterns and beliefs that are at the core of this for me. It’s an ongoing process and I am committed to keep going deeper to heal from the inside out. I also work regularly with my meditation coach, Dorje who supports me to remember Who I Am and to BE here now.

Now it is almost the end of the year and I am still experiencing some residue effects of all of this and feeling annoyed and frustrated that I don’t feel 100%. Then I was reminded by my fabulous massage angel Gabriella Furtenbach that I have been through a huge process this year and it will take as long as it takes to feel fully like myself again. Thank you! My relentless thinking mind is impatient and I am grateful for the reminders.

The love and support I have received from family, friends and clients has been simply wonderful. For the most part, I have allowed myself to reach out and ask for what I want and need and have been receiving it fully. Thank you all.

It’s been challenging to let myself be taken care of and I have struggled with feeling vulnerable. It’s an ongoing process for me, and most of the time I choose to get curious rather than furious which definitely helps.

As this year draws to a close, I am profoundly grateful for all of my experiences and for my whole life, even the bits I don’t like or enjoy, knowing that everything is purposeful.

I am taking a break from work and my usual routine from December 19th – January 13th and intend to go with the flow and accept, allow and appreciate whatever I choose, whatever occurs.

I wish you and yours a beautiful, loving holiday season filled with wonder and joy.

See you in the new year!