I AM Feeling
As I write this, I am crying … the tears are running down my cheeks and I am feeling every bit of my sadness, my upset and my grief. The feelings come in waves…sometimes gentle and oft times very harsh and brutal … so I am choosing to feel it all because I know that holding onto the energy-in-motion is not useful … letting it out is.
“What’s wrong?” is one of the questions you may be asking …
My truth is: There is absolutely nothing wrong. Nothing wrong with me feeling my feelings and nothing wrong with me.
I wonder if telling you the story of what happened this week will be useful and assist my healing process or if by getting into the story I am simply skimming the surface of my grief thereby avoiding the deeper truth of “why” I am feeling so sad.
My automatic habit in such situations is to share all the details and all the drama so you can validate me and my need to feel this way. And perhaps to “make you feel better” rather than leave you wondering …
Well, I am not going to tell you the most recent story because what I know in my whole being … mind, body, heart and soul is that it’s not really about the story.
It’s about me and the deeper truth that although there was a story that was the catalyst for my grief, the feelings are deeper than just that.
When I decided to own all of who I AM in the world symbolised by launching my new brand, I also knew that lots of memories and feelings were going to rise to the surface so I could feel and heal and let go. Re-running all the old painful movies is exhausting and I have been down that rabbit hole far too many times to still believe it’s a path to peace.
This time I choose to allow myself to feel it all, when it arises, without avoiding or stopping it or “trying” to make myself feel “better”. And without waiting until I was alone so I could cry in private … as if showing my feelings was somehow not ok.
Today I cried all the way through my gym workout. Then again at a meeting where I did share some context and some recent content. What I have been experiencing is that the more I accept and allow and appreciate the feelings are there to be felt – not agreed with and turned into another thing to bury deep – the easier it is to simply feel and let go.
So I am crying … and that’s ok … and I AM too.