Resistance is Futile
What I experienced was a roller coaster of feelings … both emotional and sensory yet all the while I KNEW I was ok.
I had a serious infection and yet I had no pain, no fever, no soreness.
I wasn’t sick … I was wounded.
And wounds heal … if I let them heal.
What was required was patience …
I know “infinite patience produces immediate results”.
Yet I felt anything but patient.
I recognised that when I felt angry, upset and/or scared it was because I expected things to be how I wanted them to be and not how they were. I was impatient for things to be different.
For example (and there are many!): At night I expected it to be quiet and dark and cosy so I could go to sleep. Now if you have ever stayed in hospital overnight, it’s not quiet or dark or peaceful. Maybe it would have been different if I was in a private room in a private hospital but I wasn’t. I spent time in Emergency and two different surgical wards, some time in an 8-bed ward and some time in a single room.
What I realised after many long days and nights was that resisting the way it was didn’t help.
First and foremost, it didn’t help my healing. In fact, it did the opposite … while I was spending energy being angry and resisting the way it was, the energy I needed to heal was being used to fuel my anger.
I remembered (again!) that whatever I resit, persists. That when I push against whatever is happening, it pushes back … harder. When I accept what is occurring and allow it to occur, I can then appreciate the purpose and the loving intention behind every single thing that I experience.
Coming home from hospital was a huge relief yet I also knew I had a way to go in my healing process. I have had several months of regular in-home nursing visits as well as follow-up appointments with various doctors and various tests and I have continued to ride the roller coaster … although not quite as often as before.
Now I am nearly at the end of this part of the process. “Only 1mm to go.” said my nurse this week! Being patient during this last little bit is very hard.
I feel well, I have more energy and I think “I should” be doing more …
Then I remember … resistance is futile.
So I choose … infinite patience.
Thank you to all the people at Royal North Shore Hospital who cared for me and were instrumental in my healing process. My surgeons were simply the best and the nurses, support staff and others were there for me all the way. I am so grateful to live in a country where excellent healthcare is available to all. Blessed I am.
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