Who Wants Help?
Whatever your response … the simple truth is … everyone wants help with something at some time. Yet your automatic reluctance to ask for help says more about your attachment to your “not good enough” story than whether you want help or not. The simple truth is that wanting help is no more or less an indictment on your okay-ness than anything else you think or feel!
Over the holidays I spent some time with a young coach just starting out in her own business. She is smart and aware and committed to her own growth, yet when she called me (for some support!) she was clearly distressed and finding it hard to admit that she wanted some help.
She explained that although she knew she needed some help, she felt not okay to ask for it because she felt she really “shouldn’t need it”. After all, she was a coach, supposed to be helping all these other people and to admit she needed help was perceived as somehow weak and not good enough.
And there you have it … again … the old “not-good-enough” story and feelings informing her decision making and resulting in her feeling even more distressed and unworthy. Her reluctance to acknowledge her truth and ask for what she wanted meant she continued to struggle with her own stuff. Then she called me …
I pointed out that in my world, asking for help and support was as necessary as breathing in and out. Not only is it okay, it’s vital to my work and my life that I ask for and receive support and guidance so that I can continue to learn and grown and develop myself for my benefit and also for the benefit of my clients. I reminded her that the paradigm of ultimate cause meant that she has created a lot of amazing people in her world who could guide and assist her in her process and on her journey. Her willingness to not only ask for help but also consciously invest in working with her own coach/mentor was crucial to her living her vision in the world. Her “not-good-enough” stuff was simply to remind her of her commitment and not a reason to agree with it and continue to struggle with “going it alone”. I also pointed out that if everyone felt the way she did and agreed with their feelings she would have no clients at all! When you work with people you need to have regular support and guidance … just like your clients have with you.
She got it and has now committed to her own ongoing process with another coach.
What about you?
Asking for help does not mean that we are weak or incompetent. It usually indicates an advanced level of honesty and intelligence.Anne Wilson Schaef