Standing in a River of Fear

3 June 2020

That’s where I have been.
In fact, I have been standing up to my ankles in a river of fear on and off for the past 12 weeks and “trying” to convince myself it’s not what’s happening … my feet are not wet, when they are!

I know I am ok. I know that I am creating the whole of my own reality. I know I can trust myself and my process and … I feel anxious and scared and worried and concerned and angry and sad … all at the same time. What a cocktail of stuff to feel and heal and release.

Except I haven’t been allowing myself to really go there … until today.

This morning I had a vent (and a cry) with one of my closet friends and she reminded me that I have a choice, it’s all my stuff and I can choose to simply … stop it! She also pointed out that it would help if I put all that is occurring into perspective … here and now: I am ok. I am safe and I have the ability to choose what happens next.

It was just what I needed to hear.
Even though I don’t always like hearing my own distinctions coming back to me, I am grateful for the feedback and the support. (Thank you much, Lx)

It is my choice to feel scared, to be worried, to future project and then agree … and it happens so fast and so under the radar that at times, I forget … and down the rabbit hole I go …

When I get caught up in my own relentless internal chatter (no matter how reasonable it seems) I am guaranteed to agree that my fear is real. Even though I know it’s not.

What a conundrum.

So I am choosing to step out of the river.

To stand on the firm foundation of what I know to be so right now.
To let go of worrying about tomorrow and stay present with myself and my feelings today.

And I choose to let the river flow without getting my own feet wet.

Love Lorna

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