Who or What Are You In Relationship With?
When you experience difficulties or issues in a relationship (personal or professional) ask yourself this question:
Who (or what) am I having a relationship with … the behaviour or the person?
Most unresolved issues in relationship are caused from the former not the latter. and almost always come from you reacting to someone’s behaviour/s you don’t like. And when you are having a relationship with someone’s behaviour, you focus on what they are doing and having and how the relationship would be so much better if only they would change.
How’s that working for you?
Not very well I suspect!
When you focus only on behaviour and the need to change someone else you are on the slippery slope to nowhere you want to be. Look at it from the other point of view: How do you feel when someone reacts to what you do and expects you to change so they feel better? My guess is you do what most people do and you push back – either overtly by resisting and challenging or passive/aggressively by shutting down and withholding. Either way you don’t like it.
And there’s the rub…
No one does.
Peace and joy in relationship come from source – you. Focus on being who you are – loving, open, honest and response-able – in relationship to the other human being (rather than the human doing). Remember who they really are is the same as you – Love – (even though they don’t necessarily behave the way you like) and keep communicating openly, honestly, clearly, directly and completely until the energy shifts and love remains.
The purpose of a relationship is to decide what part of yourself you’d like to see “show up”, not what part of another you can capture and hold.