Wandering through the supermarket the other day, I stopped to wait for a woman with two small children to move so I could get past. When she noticed me waiting, she began apologising profusely. I told her it was not necessary, nothing happened that needed an apology but alas … it fell on deaf ears. As she hurried herself and her children away, softly muttering “so sorry …” I was struck by how often people apologise for things that don’t warrant the air time …
Just another insidious way the sticky “not-good-enough” stuff rears it’s fearful head and leads the way in your unconscious behaviours, actions and communication.
The need to apologise for every little thing is an automatic program that runs when you are not present, not mindful, not aware … and taking things personally. The incident in the supermarket is a very common example of what happens when we leave our bodies and forget who we are … and where we are. The need to apologise is more about wanting to be seen to be ok and feel ok than anything else. I know that you will probably argue that being sorry and genuinely apologising has a place … and paradoxically I agree … as long as you are clear about the context and intention. And when the circumstances genuinely warrant it.
Apologising when you become aware that you have caused pain, upset, distress, fear etc is a powerful way to acknowledge yourself as cause in the matter and will give you the next clear step to take in your healing and transformation.
That is very different to apologising for every little thing, unconsciously and automatically.
So stop apologising for showing up, for being you in all your magnificent, messy, human, imperfect perfection.
And next time you are tempted to say sorry … check your context and intention.
Stop apologising for things you didn’t even do.