You can really only trust one thing about me, and that is, you can trust me to be me.
Sometimes aware and responsible and loving and detached … sometimes shut-down, scared and reacting like a wounded child and everything in between.
Yet when things get tough and I am consumed by my unresolved feelings and emotions, when I forget who I am and simply react out of my fear of being hurt/abandoned or whatever it is then you will experience me either fighting or fleeing or simply stonewalling. When I am in that feeling state, I will do whatever it takes to survive … including lying and betraying you to be true to myself.
And there’s the sting in the tail of trust.
It’s not about you … it’s about me.
Can I trust myself to know the difference between truth and lies? Can I trust my response to you and the external world beyond any words or actions that say otherwise? Can I trust me?
If I think that trust is about trusting you, I am bound to experience betrayal in some form or another and so are you. When I remember that trusting myself is the key to trust then trusting you to always or never do this or that is not necessary.
Being present to the whole of what is going on for me … being aware of my own internal knowing of what’s actually going on and trusting that is far more effective than trusting anyone or anything outside of me.
And when I remember this, trusting me to be and you to be you … is easy.
Trust is an inside job