Being Safe Is Not a Feeling
When I was being trained and mentored in the early 1980’s I was determined to adopt the new paradigm fully in all of my living. I saw the power and possibility inherent in “I Create The Whole of My Own Reality”. I loved the idea but very little real experience of being response-able for the whole of myself, let alone the whole of my own reality. I was anxious much of the time about opening up and sharing how I really felt, particularly when I didn’t like something or someone. At the beginning of my journey to consciousness and love, although I was eager and willing to be response-able, time and time again I would react, withhold and either run away or push away … hard! The infantile not-good-enough stuff was a strong protective mechanism and I didn’t ever really feel safe.
Over the past 28 years I have worked with this paradigm, shared it and lived it as best I can every day. Some days are sweeter than others and yet I know everything is purposeful and beautiful – no matter how I feel about or even what I do. I have settled into this new paradigm of love, choice, truth and responsibility more and more as each day passes and I can honestly say that life is glorious and I am happy, content and relaxed for the most part.
Then whammo! Last week I created a powerful confrontation that led to a breakthrough that took my breath away. It began in February when I withheld from one of my trainees how I was really feeling about something because I did not feel safe to go there. Over the course of this whole year, every time we interacted, the feeling would resurface and I would withhold, push away and react in subtle (and sometimes) not so subtle ways. I kept telling myself … ”detach, it doesn’t matter” … and I would feel ok … for a little while. I thought I was being clear and explicit in my communication and yet the feedback I received told me this was not so. I thought I was being response-able by responding to the content yet without shifting my context (from fear to love), nothing much changed. The result of all of my fear-ful behaviours surfaced in an intense and powerfully liberating interaction with my trainee, in the training room, on the final day of training.
The courage and commitment to love and truth from everyone in the room was palpable and full. We were completely embraced and held in love and encouraged to open up and tell the whole truth. So we both began to express what was really going on, to open up and go to the heart of the matter … and we stayed in the room. It was simply amazing. At one point I felt I couldn’t handle it and I said “I want you to leave!” I am so glad the courageous response was a firm and clear “No!” This enabled me to sit in my extreme fear and keep going to the heart of my truth and feelings. I have never felt so vulnerable and yet the more I let go and shared the more I realised I actually was safe and I felt safe. Not emotionally but rather the visceral, full knowing and awareness that I am safe. WOW! This is what I have been teaching and choosing and sometimes fleetingly feeling over the years – Fear really is an illusion – I am safe.
I felt peace and love in deeper measure than ever before. A profound awareness of connection, at-one-ment and joy poured from everyone in the room and I knew this was an experience over which I will never get and for that I am truly grateful.
Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other.
I just love and admire your vulnerability and integrity even in sharing this story outside the training room. Talk about feeling safe!
As always, you are an inspiration to me to continue having love and transparency be the informant of my decisions and communication.
It’s so common for the person(s) “in authority” to drive out those speaking “in love & honestly” that “leaders” tend to “eat last” when it comes to spiritual growth and connection because they are (what I might call) “control addicts” (fear of vulnerability addicts). I’d say what you experienced here was a miracle. You’re pushing for love and honesty and walking through (or breaking through) invisible prison bars in the process. Definitely a wow from my perspective.
I often frame my sense of Ultimate Reality on my theory of everything which simply states: “Relationships are infinitely important”. If we want to know what the Spirit of Life is ultimately all about it’s this law of ultimate reality. To me this sentence summarizes why everything in the universe works the way it does. For example why ice floats when water freezes (everything else becomes more dense the colder it gets but ice is an obvious anomaly that’s exactly backward to the way everything else behaves when it “loses energy”). This of course is so that ice doesn’t sink and kill all the fish as the Spirit of Life intelligently designed everything for the sake of creating relationships – truly healthy and deeply meaningful relationships. No “big bang” of random processes in my theory. Pure, unadulterated, infinitely incredible purpose.
The flip side to my theory of everything is the exact opposite. Those that believe relationships are less than infinitely important are the spirit of Death personified. A form of walking dead. These souls don’t understand why they do what they do, or where it’s taking them and they cannot escape the insanity of humanity that is – one bad idea after another – killing them all. This is the invisible prison of which I spoke and it’s bars are not steel, they are, for most, more solid than steel because they are bars of belief. Though a man break out of a steel cage, most men cannot (or at least do not) break out of the cage of Death. Their beliefs hold them firmly bound to self-destructive decisions. This is why I understand what you experienced to be in the zone of miraculous, an act of God. A bending of the bars of Life. Which you stepped through by making your purpose the same as the purpose behind all the laws of the universe – relationship. Infinitely and ultimately important beyond the existence of your own personal safety. Only the Spirit of Life (and Life’s children) are able to think like this consistently. Most humans contract in the face of fear or danger, like water expands, you grew in the face of it.
People often say “Life is hard” not realizing they are cursing themselves to being and becoming hard human beings who will suffer forever for their lack of understanding the Spirit of Life. When I understand the Power of telling the truth and it’s ability to plug our souls back into the Spirit of Life’s way of thinking I’ve come to understand the Sea of Life like an ocean that is the whole universe in size. Even bigger. Not that people think of themselves as Sea creatures but I’ve come to sense and understand this Living Water that is the Sea of Life is the Pure Infinitely Intelligent and Compassionate Energy behind the scenes of all that exists. The Ultimate Framework that holds all the invisible opposing forces of nature in their places so that life and all the resulting relationships we experience can exist.
When Life wasn’t hard on you, it was because you knew truth and stuck with it to it’s ultimate implied end which took you into vulnerability, the place of creative birthing and Life’s heart of being where the deepest and most healthy of relationships exist. The place where beings that “believe” relationships are less important than control can never get.
That’s how I understand what you just wrote about. And this I know, what you experienced wasn’t because we’re smart, it’s because we were given the ability to know and understand to the point of surrendering as a free gift from the Spirit of Life itself. This, to me, is the greatest miracle of all the miracles in the Sea of Life in which we exist because this is what Life is REALLY all about. As you’ve often said: Love.
Thank you for letting me share.