Who Says You Should Have To?

Who Says You Should Have To?

Shoulding all over yourself and others is a guaranteed strategy to stop you getting the outcome you want in your communication and relationships.

Every time you find yourself thinking: “I shouldn’t have to tell that person … how I feel; what I expect; what I need … because they should know” and then agree with your thoughts and feelings, you stop effective communication in it’s tracks. The result – you end up feeling frustrated, unsatisfied and righteous! And nothing changes.

Everyone makes up their own meaning about whatever is going on. What you perceive as rudeness or a personal attack is often not what is consciously intended from the other side. Yet time and time again you react emotionally to this perceived attack as if the other is deliberately doing something to “make you” feel the way you do.

Remember this: Other people do not necessarily share your view of the world. Other people cannot read your mind and if you don’t tell them what you mean, they cannot respond effectively.

And that’s the issue. Your unwillingness to communicate openly, honestly, clearly, directly and completely when you feel emotionally triggered is because of how you feel. Then you get stuck in your head, convincing yourself that you are feeling the way you do because of someone else’s behaviour. You tell yourself that “they should know better” and thus feel you shouldn’t have to say anything or do anything about it because “they should know”.

Yet, the truth is, they don’t know what you mean if you don’t tell them. No matter how many times you think “but they should know …” it doesn’t change anything.

So next time you are caught up “shoulding’” all over the place, stop, take a breath … allow your feelings to move through you … and speak up.

Love Lorna

If it should have
it would have

Be Complete

Be Complete

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If this is your first visit, click here to Meet Lorna. To view the full list of video titles click here.

What does complete communication mean? Don’t miss this fifth and final distinction in my recipe for effective and efficient communication.

Communicating Meaning Is Key

Communicating Meaning Is Key

No matter what is going on, whether it be a disagreement with another person or tension in a group or war between nations … the key to resolution is always, always, always communication – particularly communicating what you mean.

Everything starts and ends with some form of communication. Not just the words that are spoken or written but also the energy within that informs all your communication – the energy of you and the energy of the meaning you give everything, the energy of feeling called emotion generated by your thinking mind and felt in your physical body.

The whole you is always communicating something and when you communicate the whole of what you mean and intend, the other person (or people) have less room to make up stuff, less room to “mis-understand” you and less room to start a “war”.

Always, always, always – the key to effective communication is whether or not you share openly, honestly, clearly, directly and completely in every interaction.

Once again, a simple formula that is often hard to enact consistently because your habit is to withhold something, usually how you really feel and what you really want!

So, say what you mean – give context – before you blah all the content. That way the other will get what you mean rather than just make up their own.

Say it all … what you feel and what you think as well as what you want as an outcome of the communication and take ownership of the whole.

Go all the way, have the 100% conversation and take responsibility for whatever comes back … respond from love and keep communicating until the energy shifts … and it will when you take responsibility for the whole communication.

Love Lorna

First learn the meaning of what you say, and then speak.

Epictetus

Be Direct

Be Direct

Please view our Disclaimer prior to watching any of Lorna's videos.

If this is your first visit, click here to Meet Lorna. To view the full list of video titles click here.

What does direct mean? Do you speak directly to the person you have the issue with or want to have the communication with or do you take detours? Watch my video to hear the quickest way to resolving issues.

How To Have Productive Meetings

How To Have Productive Meetings

In my communication culture work with business owners, leaders and teams one issue that arises again and again is “meeting madness”. You know what I am talking about…the seemingly endless meetings that litter your diary on a daily, weekly or monthly basis. There are meetings to talk about meetings, meetings to find out what’s going on, meetings to discuss this and that and meetings that seem to have no purpose or outcome, leaving everyone wondering what that was all about …

This “meeting madness” of getting together without a clear purpose or outcome is a waste of everyone’s time and energy. The impact is “meeting reluctance” where people turn up but don’t show up, where people share some stuff but not themselves and where the experience is less than satisfying or complete. And often the end result is having to schedule another meeting to deal with what wasn’t addressed!

As always in the paradigm of cause, it is quite simple to create productive and effective meetings … all the time, every time.

How To Have A Productive Meeting

  1. Before you begin, make sure everyone present is actually in the room. Not just the skin-bag flopped in a chair, but really present, in their body, and ready to engage. Ask everyone to close their eyes and breathe for a few minutes.
  2. Identify and communicate the purpose of the meeting.
  3. Determine the outcome(s)/results required and/or desired.
  4. If required, distribute an agenda prior to the meeting.
  5. Decide on a timetable and stick to it.
  6. Appoint someone to be responsible for keeping the meeting focused and on purpose.
  7. Ensure everyone involved knows the purpose and outcomes before you begin.
  8. Any items raised that are not on purpose/on the agenda get noted to be dealt with at a later date.
  9. Before you begin, request everyone agree to keep the meeting on purpose, on time and to achieve the stated outcomes.
  10. Review: agenda items completed/held over; action items and timelines allocated; meeting outcomes achieved.

When you are clear about your purpose and outcomes before you begin, meetings fulfil their purpose and everyone benefits.

Love Lorna

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”
“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat.

Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll

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