Want To Know What’s Really Going On?

Want To Know What’s Really Going On?

I have been wanting to share with you, what’s going on with me.

And so I figured the best way was to simply tell you in this post … doh!

I am having the best time right now. I am doing the work I love, with clients I love, the way I love to work, when I choose to work. Yes, there’s a lot of love in my day to day living.

And this year I have created lots of new opportunities to share my work with you and the world.

Yikes! A frisson of fear just ran through me. It feels almost surreal when I sit and reflect on what’s been happening … yet I can clearly see the moments when I have opened myself to ask for and receive what I want.

It started in 1983 when I realised I am here to share this paradigm of cause with the world.

Back then I had no idea that it would look like it does today. The digital revolution has changed everything and I struggle and resist keeping up.

The other day I had a realisation … I don’t want to keep up. I don’t really want to master every digital platform or be in 24/7 communication with everyone.

What I want to do is have meaningful conversations and interactions that make a difference to me and to you.

So rather than stick to my heretofore (cool word!) schedule of blogs and posts and bumper stickers and stuff … I will write when I have something meaningful to say and can’t not share it!

As for all the stuff going on … I am working with Suzy Jacobs on her podcast project The Change Room so watch out for it in your inbox soon. I am also creating an on-line training program to support coaches who are delivering my work to their clients and I am supporting another client of mine on a global project. So it’s all happening …

And I am delighted to share the journey with you.

Love Lorna

Tell Me What You Mean

Tell Me What You Mean

Communication literally means to share – thoughts, feelings, facts, information etc. Yet it is not sufficient or effective to share only the surface stuff without being explicit and clear about what you actually mean.

Before you communicate anything, you need to look beneath the surface of the stuff you want to say to get clear about what you want the other to understand before you start communicating. There is a huge difference in the efficacy of your communication when you clearly and explicitly communicate context before blahing out all your content.

The meaning of your communication IS the response you get … which means that whatever comes back in response explicitly shows you what the other actually understood … what they actually thought you meant … which may be quite different to what you expected them to understand.

As I have said before, being “misunderstood” is a myth … what’s really going on is a failure on your part to effectively communicate what you mean before you communicate anything else.

Whenever you feel misunderstood, rather than simply reacting and ending up in the fruitless blame game of the A>B conversation, stop … take a breath and ask yourself:

“What did I want this person to understand from my communication? How is that different to what they actually understood? What didn’t I say, that once said, would have this person understand me the way I intended?”

Then communicate what you mean – openly, honestly, clearly, directly and completely and keep communicating until they get what you mean and you get they got it.

When you tell me what you mean, I have a context within which to truly understand what you mean to say rather than making up what I think you mean.

Love Lorna

Tell me what you mean before you tell me
what you want to tell me.

Be Honest

Who Says You Should Have To?

Who Says You Should Have To?

Shoulding all over yourself and others is a guaranteed strategy to stop you getting the outcome you want in your communication and relationships.

Every time you find yourself thinking: “I shouldn’t have to tell that person … how I feel; what I expect; what I need … because they should know” and then agree with your thoughts and feelings, you stop effective communication in it’s tracks. The result – you end up feeling frustrated, unsatisfied and righteous! And nothing changes.

Everyone makes up their own meaning about whatever is going on. What you perceive as rudeness or a personal attack is often not what is consciously intended from the other side. Yet time and time again you react emotionally to this perceived attack as if the other is deliberately doing something to “make you” feel the way you do.

Remember this: Other people do not necessarily share your view of the world. Other people cannot read your mind and if you don’t tell them what you mean, they cannot respond effectively.

And that’s the issue. Your unwillingness to communicate openly, honestly, clearly, directly and completely when you feel emotionally triggered is because of how you feel. Then you get stuck in your head, convincing yourself that you are feeling the way you do because of someone else’s behaviour. You tell yourself that “they should know better” and thus feel you shouldn’t have to say anything or do anything about it because “they should know”.

Yet, the truth is, they don’t know what you mean if you don’t tell them. No matter how many times you think “but they should know …” it doesn’t change anything.

So next time you are caught up “shoulding’” all over the place, stop, take a breath … allow your feelings to move through you … and speak up.

Love Lorna

If it should have
it would have

Be Complete

Be Complete

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What does complete communication mean? Don’t miss this fifth and final distinction in my recipe for effective and efficient communication.

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