I Can’t Say That
Is a lie.
In fact every time I say “I can’t” … I am lying.
“I can’t say that …” “I can’t go there …” “I can’t choose that …” etc, etc.
The fact that I feel I can’t say that or do that or choose that is the truth. It’s not true I can’t … it’s true that I won’t because of how I feel. Yet when I don’t distinguish that how I am feeling is what’s actually stopping me, when I won’t own that I am feeling that I can’t rather than I literally can not say/do/choose … I am lying.
This form of lying is insidious inside my own head, in my relationships and in my world. I’d like to believe that I am always honest … and I have built a business and my reputation based on telling the truth … so here is my truth … I lie.
I lie by omission, by withholding, by embellishing, by exaggerating and sometimes just downright, bare-faced, telling a story that is simply not true. I do this because of how I am feeling. Sometimes I just can’t be bothered getting into an emotionally charged discussion so I avoid it by lying. And sometimes I get so enrolled in my own feelings that I forget I can choose how I want to feel, so I lie.
When I say I can’t do something, there is some truth in it if when I do not know how to do whatever it is I am lying about. However, the whole truth is: “I don’t know how to do that and I do not want to learn how to do that so I will say I can’t.”
Telling the truth all the time about everything to everyone is something I now accept is an aspiration … rather than something I “should” do all the time because I said I would. Letting go of that “should” has also freed me from giving myself a hard time when I don’t tell the whole truth, which means I am far more willing to tell the truth in the next moment. And I am also more willing to hear and receive your whole truth in return.
It also means being willing to feel whatever comes up and then being responsible for the whole … which means responding to myself and you until the energy shifts. And it does and it will, when I tell my whole truth and respond from love.
I can tell the truth and sometimes I don’t want to … and that’s the truth.
Hi there Lorna, I loved this article because it’s a subject close to my heart. When I hear people sharing their opinion as “I’m just being honest or truthful”, I flinch because it sounds like a criticism (my stuff). What I liked, apart from your ruthless honesty with yourself, is the last bit when you said it needs to come from the heart. To me that qualifier is crucial. Kindness is a most under-rated value and action which I suspect is perceived as soft and weak, but we know better.