Misunderstood is a Myth

Misunderstood is a Myth

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You are never misunderstood, in fact the whole idea of being misunderstood is a myth. If you are not getting the response you want then watch my video to find out what is the quickest way to avoid being misunderstood.

For What Purpose?

For What Purpose?

Please view our Disclaimer prior to watching any of Lorna's videos.

If this is your first visit, click here to Meet Lorna. To view the full list of video titles click here.

You cannot not communicate! You are always communicating something! Here are some very worthwhile tips in helping you become more effective and efficient in your communication.

Before You Communicate Anything

Before You Communicate Anything

Stop … take a deep breath and slowly exhale …
Get present … in your body …
Breathe … and let go … thoughts … feelings … let go
Simply BE here … now

Once you are present and aware … answer the following BEFORE you communicate anything:

What is the purpose of your communication? Do you just want to be right? Or do you genuinely desire to resolve an issue? Do you just want to vent? Or do you want to be heard? Do you want the other person to change something or stop doing something? Or do you want to change what you are feeling and experiencing? What response do you want?

Once you know your purpose, communicate that first as a context for your whole communication- i.e. say what you mean – context – before you express all the content. This will create a space where the other person can hear what you mean as well as what you say. When you frame-up the meaning of your communication you will be heard and understood and you will create the response you want. When you rush in with a lot of content download (usually out of some intense feeling/emotional state) before clarifying context and meaning, you run the risk of being mis-understood and ending up having a circular A-B conversation where neither is listening and attack/defend is the game!

As with all things in the paradigm of I Create The Whole Of My Own Reality, BEing present in Love is always the starting point. Once there, express what you actually want to say, what you mean and what you want to have happen and then respond with love to what comes back. And remember: The meaning of your communication IS the response you get so keep communicating until you get the response you want.

When you stay present and aware and sourced in Love, all communication is easier and resolution is assured.

Love Lorna

I’m going to let you know what things mean before I tell you what I am going to tell you

Dr Stephanie Burns

How To Listen

How To Listen

In my work with people, I have noticed the same theme keeps showing up irrespective of the particular content or person or group.

Lately this theme has been: “He/she/they are not listening to me!” When I explore further I usually find someone who is not happy with the response/feedback being elicited about a particular issue, usually with a high emotional trigger and sticky attachment to a particular outcome. Unfortunately, this dynamic never works to produce a result that anyone wants!

So what’s really going on when it comes to being listened to? What has it got to do with listening? And why is it that some people seem to listen and some people don’t? Well the key is in two simple questions: What are you actually listening to? And how do you expect the other/s to respond?

Believe it or not, it all starts and ends with you. If you are attached to a particular outcome then chances are you are “listening” to the agenda running in your head, your feelings about it all and what you will say in response to their (inevitable) reaction. When this is what you are doing internally, then there is not much being there with the other person or people, not much (if any) paying attention to the whole of what’s going, not much real awareness or connection with the whole. When you are focussed on getting a particular outcome (and ONLY that outcome) then you miss critical pieces of information in the communication. And when that happens, you cannot respond fully to what’s going on because you are only seeing/hearing/feeling part of the whole.

If you want people to listen to you, first you need to be responsible for what you are listening to – internally and externally. Let the other know the response you want from them and then listen to what comes back. If you elicit a response (usually a reaction) you do not like, ask what the person has “heard” (i.e. what meaning they have put on your communication) and then state explicitly what you mean.

Say what you mean, ask what the other means and keep responding until the communication is complete. When you begin to change your own dynamic around listening you will discover that more and more people seem to be listening!

Love Lorna

Who you are is shouting so loud that I can’t hear what you are saying

Stephen Covey

Stop It!

Stop It!

2010 has arrived and with it the promise of ever accelerating change. And there is no better time than right now to start some new habits … but first you have to stop some old ones:

Drop the not good enough stuff
It’s not true. It’s simply a game you made up when very small to keep you safe and it has now served its purpose. You are here, you have survived and now you have much more awareness than that wounded child so time to let it go.

When you are running the not good enough stuff, your communication is informed by the context of seeking/needing agreement/approval to feel safe and ok. No way will you reveal your deeper truth with this going on, no way you will be open and available if you are seeking approval … and without openness and honesty, communication sucks. The not good enough stuff is the single biggest communication killer around … time to get over it … really.

Not everything that comes into your head needs to come out of your mouth:
Get to the heart of your truth and find out what’s really going on. Most of the monkey chatter between your ears is simply your reactive, judgemental, critical, ego-centric voice doing its job – which is to keep you separate from who you really are. Stop agreeing with the thoughts in your head and start coming from the love in your heart. Go into the deeper parts of yourself and enquire as to what’s really going on for you … and speak that out loud.

Say what you mean and mean what you say:
Stop pussy-footing around and say what you really mean. Be explicit and clear not wishy-washy and passive/aggressive. Don’t ask a question when you really just want to make a statement or express something. If you have something to say, say it and then respond to what comes back. If you want/need help … ask for what you want … exactly. And if you are only willing to accept a “yes’ response … don’t ask. The more explicit you are, the more your communication and your relationships will flow.

Love Lorna

Say what you mean and mean what you say…

Interstate 60

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