Giving Can Be Hard To Take

Giving Can Be Hard To Take

As a child, I was told that it’s better to give than to receive and at the same time I was also told I must be grateful and thankful when given to … no matter how I felt about the “gift” or the giver.

The resultant confusion stemming from this childhood conditioning set-up a belief pattern in me that said giving is ok (and it feels good) but taking (receiving) really is not (and it feels uncomfortable).

Every time someone acknowledged me, I felt an immediate need to push back, give something in return and avoid letting myself fully receive. I was always keen to be the first to offer help; to pick up the tab for coffee or a meal; to give happily whenever I saw an opportunity. What I didn’t realise was that my need to be the “giver” left very little space for anyone to truly give to me. My reluctance to “take” was preventing others the joy of giving to me.

I realised (once again) this was my fearful ego-mind fuelling the notion that I didn’t deserve it or hadn’t worked hard enough/done enough/given enough to really be worthy of being given to. The old not-good-enough stuff … again!!

So I chose to learn how to truly give and receive. I decided to simply say thank you when someone offered to pay for the coffee, to say thank you when someone gave me something … an acknowledgement, some help, advice or a gaily wrapped package! I also chose to respond to the feelings that arise, to acknowledge my “childish” reactions and allow the feelings to release without having to give in to the story and the drama over and over. It’s not easy … I still have times when I feel uncomfortable receiving. And when I do, I stop and take a deep breath and remind myself … it’s a feeling, not a fact … let it go … and let myself receive anyway.

There is no real giving without receiving. Two sides of the same coin and when one side is missing … there is no integrity … no wholeness.

So the next time someone gives you something … say thank you. In that, you will know the joy of receiving which is a gift to the giver.

Love Lorna

Don’t be so greedy with your giving …


When Giving Isn’t

When Giving Isn’t

Well here we are again … the end of another year and the festive season is upon us – a time of peace and joy and giving …

Or is it?

Giving is a choice … a choice to freely give means to let go and expect nothing in return … and that is the sticking point because so much giving really isn’t. At this time of year giving has become synonymous with giving stuff and along with it goes the stress and frustration of shopping and spending money and battling crowds of people all hell bent on giving stuff too. And not just giving stuff but giving more stuff we really don’t need or want to those who really don’t need or want it either!

As Christmas looms, I have found myself confronting some old beliefs about giving including the polarising adage “it’s better to give than to receive”, which in the paradigm of cause, is utterly ridiculous because it is not possible to give without receiving … two sides of the same coin! I have become acutely aware that sometimes I make choices to “give” when really I am not! As soon as I realise I expect something in return, I am confronted by the truth that my “giving” is really a trade-off, a tit-for-tat reaction that has nothing to do with giving. I usually end up feeling disappointed, resentful and/or angry because the choice I am actually making is not about giving … it’s about being attached to a particular outcome as a result of my “giving”. And it never works.

So this Yuletide I am making a different choice: To give me, not just stuff or things, but me, the whole and the all in every interaction, in every situation. To give freely the love that I am without expectation of anything particular in return. I know that something will be returned and my choice is to detach from any expectation of form and instead to receive with ease and grace whatever shows up.

Nothing like a challenge to kick-start 2013!

Love Lorna

You give but little when you give of your possessions.
It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.

Kahlil Gibran

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