You Can’t Get What I Mean If I Don’t Tell You What I Mean!
I have an insidious habit of expecting you to know what I mean … even though I don’t always say exactly what I mean.
From the old paradigm of fear – I want to blame you for just not getting it. Even when I say the same thing over and over again … you still don’t get it … and I end up frustrated and more convinced than ever that you are the one to blame.
I do this because I think you should know what I mean. I am after all a communication expert and I pride myself on being rigorous and clear … so what’s going on when you don’t get what I mean?
Well … it’s not you … it’s me!
In the paradigm of cause, I know that whatever occurs I have created it. When I get a response from you that I perceive as you not understanding me it’s because I have not provided you with my clear CONTEXT. I haven’t told you the purpose of my communication or what I expect you to understand from my communication so of course you just make up what you think I mean and react accordingly.
And if I stay anchored in the old paradigm and continue to blame you for just not getting it, I get to feel righteous, you get to feel wrong and the whole communication goes nowhere either of us wants to be.
So I choose to remember that if I want you to get what I mean I need to tell you what I mean before I tell you what I want to tell you. It also helps if I take a moment to check-in with you to make sure you get what I mean before I keep blahing all the content at you.
This takes awareness and rigour because when feelings and emotions are in the mix, it’s easy to forget my own golden rule: CONTEXT before CONTENT.
And when I remember to follow my own rule, you have a better chance of understanding me and vice versa.