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Buddhists believe that the moment you are born you start sprinting toward your death. Death is everywhere … however, everything is an opportunity. Watch my video to see why death is an opportunity.
My beautiful, amazing, wonderful Mum passed away on March 29 with me, my sister and my niece at her side as she took her last breath and smiled. It was a profoundly beautiful final moment – very different to the previous 36 hours which were tough, tiring and sorrow-filled. It was moving and humbling to be present and witness her last goodbye on this earthly plane and I was so glad I was there.
Then there was a huge gap … a big space … of what I did not know.
I felt so many things … sad, happy, upset, relieved, scared, calm, lost …
The rollercoaster ride of my grief had begun and from past experience, best to let go and go with it. So I am.
It is often said that the death of the last surviving parent is a crucial transition time for the children left behind, whatever age they may be. That certainly seems to hold true for me and my siblings. This is a time where all the things Mum did for the family – like organising the family get togethers, creating the special occasions, being the birthday/anniversary/send-a-thank -you-card reminder etc. – will now be done by someone else. And life goes on.
It is a surreal time for me. One moment feeling clear and happy, the next in a pool of dripping tears (happened in the bank today ).
And through it all I am blessed to be so loved and supported. My beautiful and generous family have been awesome, my gorgeous friends have gone the extra mile for me in so many ways over these past few weeks, my amazing clients who have moved their appointments and been completely ok with how I am feeling and what I need to do for me including running from a coaching session to hop on a plane to be with Mum. Thank you one and all for your love and support. And thank you much for your flowers, cards, messages via email, text and facebook which keep pouring in. I am comforted and embraced by love.
I know Love is who we really are and when we die we return to Love.
I am so happy my beautiful Mum is now free from the pain of her physical existence, once again enjoying the freedom to BE who she is.
Goodbye Mum … I will love you always and miss you much.
All of your life you think you are your body.
Some of you think you are your mind.
It is at the time of your death that you find out Who You Really Are.
One of my dearest friends died a few weeks ago. When it came, it was quick though not completely unexpected. For her I am glad. She is free from the pain of her body and I know she is at peace. It’s hard for those of us still living as we have the human stuff to deal with – the memories and thoughts and feelings and emotions – the process of letting go and grieving.
Saying goodbye takes longer than leaving and right now I feel as if it will continue for evermore. I also know that this is a process and I always have a choice about how I feel and how I deal with this powerful event in my life. As well, I feel no need to hurry up and “get over it” or “get on with it” and am really focussing on being ok with where I am right now. As I ride the waves of grief, sometimes gentle and soft, at other times huge and harsh, I have been amazed by the force of my feelings and emotions, uncomfortable with how quickly I am in the middle of a huge wave with tears spilling and my heart squeezed tight. It’s as though the whole of my life is condensed into a few moments of this feeling experience and there is nothing else. Nothing else to do but to ride the wave and allow – no assistance, no resistance, allow, allow, allow. As I allow myself to move toward the feelings and be where I am at any given moment, I experience the peace that comes as each wave ebbs and then flows again. And I am very glad that I learned more about how to be fully present in the last few months of Deb’s life – at least when I was with her. I have no regrets where our relationship is concerned, nothing left unsaid, nothing left undone. And through it all, I am receiving support like never before. I feel completely embraced by compassion, comfort, kindness, care and simple acts of friendship everyday – more than I could possibly list here. I am deeply grateful for the outpouring of love I constantly receive via the phone, email, mail and in person. Thank you all, it makes a huge difference.