It’s not possible to stop judging … you judge, I judge, everybody judges.

Getting rid of judgement is not a desirable choice … in fact your ability to judge is part of your humanness … and it’s necessary when faced with life-threatening situations.

Yet most often you use your ability to judge … against yourself. That’s right … not for yourself and your actual survival but rather against yourself in a myriad of conscious and unconscious ways on a daily basis.

Your propensity to judge yourself as wrong/bad/not good enough/not worthy etc. whenever you do something you don’t like, or judge another for the same reasons, is an insidious habit that doesn’t bring you any real satisfaction. And it doesn’t change anything.

Judgements are by their very nature polarising. Every time you judge yourself as not good enough, and then agree that it’s true, you feel defensive and attempt to convince yourself that you are good enough or right or not bad and you become enmeshed in the victim/persecutor/rescuer triangle of fear.

The most powerful, loving and responsible thing you can do is accept that you are judging and remember … your judgements are not the truth about you (or anyone or anything else). They simply let you know that you are judging and that’s because you are feeling something you probably don’t want to feel. When you accept that you are judging yourself (and/or others) and accept the feelings associated with your judgements then let yourself feel them … the energy will release and the judgement and the feelings will pass.

Accepting your judgements is simple … tell the truth, acknowledge your feelings, resist the temptation to agree with your feelings and your judgements … and peace will be restored.

Have you been on the receiving end of this sort of communication and ended up feeling persecuted judged and condemned … not to mention confused. After all, if a family member, friend or close colleague is delivering the feedback in the spirit of open and honest communication then surely you are the one responsible for feeling judged … aren’t you?

The short answer is – as with all things in the paradigm of cause – “yes”. You are 100% responsible for creating the feedback and you are 100% responsible for whatever you choose it means and thus what you choose to feel about it. AND you are also responsible for buying into the lie inherent in “no judgement … but …” because the very act of saying it ensures that is exactly what will occur.

Chances are you have also been the one saying those words (or something similar) … and then proceeded to vomit your judgement and opinion all over the other … once again in the spirit of truth.

What a load of rubbish!

Your judgements and opinions are not facts … they are not “truth”. The only truth that is occurring is the truth that you are judging and forming opinions about something or someone. Broadcasting your judgemental truth is not the key to open and honest communication … in fact it often leads to defensive interactions and conflict.

The key to open and honest communication is you being willing to own your judgements and your opinions and realise they are really about you not about the other.

Once you see that you are the one choosing to judge, you can respond to whatever it is about for you and then have the open and honest conversation you need to have, free of your judgements masquerading as truth.